It all starts to make sense tonight, the ages 11 to 22 in my life, how I'd try and tell the truth and people couldn't understand and I'd cry inside and tears would roll down my cheeks. It wasn't outside crying it was inside crying; the pain that Jesus must have felt when he had something to give, but hands were closed. You and I stopped me from telling the truth and from developing myself, and I got closed off from the truth because I couldn't express it; I couldn't make you understand. I had to learn to know something and not let being alone in my knowing wipe one out (which it did), and also learn not to misuse what I know. That feels like the main reason for my having lost it. I destroyed my ego by not being able to express myself because I couldn't be understood (inferiority complex developed), because if I could have, I would have been a very selfish person (superiority complex... inferiority and superiority complex are the same thing). So everything got taken away because I had to learn WHY, and we have to first lose what we have to learn what its for and thats what those years were all about. My responsibility is great and I'm developing tools (like English) to tell you what I know TO HELP to help me be a HUMAN BEING and to help you be me.